i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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