Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
