I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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