PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
