in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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