Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
