Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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