stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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