Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
