Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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