If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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