i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
