So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
