You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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