Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
