I think I died a long time ago.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
time to smoke my breakfast
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize