ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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