i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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