Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
