I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
