she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
