It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
