yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
