you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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