i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
