If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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