She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
