It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
