There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
