Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
