Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
