if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
