cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
