I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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