the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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