I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
