well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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