I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
