My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
