from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I came so hard my ears popped.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
