my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I have post one night stand depression
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
