Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
