Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
