dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
What drink are we having for lunch?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
