..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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