Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
