sarcasm needs its own font
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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