I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
