I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
