it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
