Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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