put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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