Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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