Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i think i have herpe
just one?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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