my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
