i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
