you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
