Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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