He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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