Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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