She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
