I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So much Jack, so little girl.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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