I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
