i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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