That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
