I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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