and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
