She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
