It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
