I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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