Taylor Swift is so right about you.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
