I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
